I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
