I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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