woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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