oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
