I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
