so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
