Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
