I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
