I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
