oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
