Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
