That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
