I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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