Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
