I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
