Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
