idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
