Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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