you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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