Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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