pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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