god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
