i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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