We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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