is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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