I skipped work to stalk him.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
