I have demons in me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
