just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
