U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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