Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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