You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
