I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
