Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
