hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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