Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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