Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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