ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
