My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
