So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
