I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
