Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
