batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Randomize
