mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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