whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
