So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
