haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
