I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
