She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
