If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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