The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
