i was born a porn star she said
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need to calm my uterus...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
