After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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