I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
