cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
