Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
