i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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