Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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