hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
