I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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