oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
