oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
