I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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