Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
