i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
