What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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