I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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